he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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