I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
