dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
