is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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