I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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