Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We're not piercing ourselves today.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
