Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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