I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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