All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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