we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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