I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
