You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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