My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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