I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize