I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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