garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
