Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
