I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
