We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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