Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
