I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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