im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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