Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
