I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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