I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We had sex on a dog bed..
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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