I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
