Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
