Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
