he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
