I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
