were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
