i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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