DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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