so explain again why im purple
no
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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