I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
