"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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