You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think people are normalizing furries
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
