Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
