apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
