summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
