i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
