we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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