I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
