What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Houston, we have a blender
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize