hotel room ftw
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
