I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
