I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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