omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize