Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i came on her dog
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
