it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
