she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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