dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
