as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
