Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
