i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
