Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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