he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
