are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
