Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
