i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
