I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
