I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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