The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
3pm strippers are depressing
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
