No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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