I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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