I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Randomize
