Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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