Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
