non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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