We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
