fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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