i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
