so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
