I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
