she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
