Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
