shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just googled if crying burns calories
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
