Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize