This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You don't make any sense
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