I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
