Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
