hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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