I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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