Soap is not a condiment
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You were trust falling into bushes
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