**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
