I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
