Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
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