You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
