Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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