I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
