Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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