I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
