PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
