Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
