My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
