I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
