Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
