we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you will always have a special place in my vag
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
