I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
