she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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