At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So. Much. Porn.
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