Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Randomize