Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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