the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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