oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
