So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
