Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize