My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
