Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
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