I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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